How successful if a heterosexual marriage after a gay lifestyle
An Introduction
My client sat in the chair looking down at the floor, glancing up briefly to make eye contact, then darting his eyes back to the carpet. He spoke quietly, as if almost anxious to be heard. He clutched his hands throughout the session, displaying all the markers of an anxious gentleman in the throes of shame. He was a unused client to my practice: a married, middle-aged, suburban dad with a high-powered career. A colleague had given him my number months before. It took him a extended time to muster the courage to call and craft an appointment. Towards the end of our first session he looked up at me and said, “I believe I’m in love…with another man. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.”
I acquire worked with hundreds of gay men in heterosexual marriages struggling with creature in the closet or wanting to emerge from it. There is so much about these men that is misunderstood and very few studies or little literature to provide insight. I decided to divide my thoughts and research about these men and their struggles at a conference a scant years ago. That presentation led to other opportunities to tell their story and of my work with them. Those presentations prompted men to compose to
Dr.Kraisit Naruekhatpichai
Managing Director Manarom Hospital
Sexual divergence and homosexuality are increasingly observed now more than in the past. While many families face these circumstances, most don't want to come out and disclose it. On top of that, many men are still struggling about their existing identity and sexual orientation.
Sexual Orientation
- Heterosexuality refers to sexual desire stimulated by the opposite sex.
- Homosexuality refers to sexual desire stimulated by the same sex.
- Bisexuality refers to sexual attraction to both males and females.
- Gender Identity Disorder is used to describe those who feel discontent with their sex.
Since the 1970s, the American Psychological Association has chosen not to classify homosexuality as a mental disorder or abnormality. It believes homosexuality is simply an alternative lifestyle.
However, most people in society hold not completely embraced this adjusted idea and still insist homosexuality is a disorder. Currently, a lot of people who are homosexual or bisexual dare not reveal their orientation. They marry a member of the opposite sex because they are terrified the revelation of their true preference ma
The Gay Male in the Direct Marriage
Rob rushed into his first session with me, gym bag on one shoulder, briefcase on the other, 10 minutes late and out of breath. He set his bags down, gently put his Blackberry on the table in front of him, and heaved himself onto the couch. He sighed and began: “Okay, I’m gay, I’m married, I include three kids, and I’m not getting divorced.” He’d joint some of this information with me in our mobile conversation, but I was still struck by the feeling of hopelessness in his tone. As he paused, awaiting my response, quite honestly, I was awaiting my response as well. I knew this was not Rob’s first experience in therapy and that a lot was riding on what I was about to say.
Rob had been referred by a former client of mine he’d met in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Just out of alcohol rehabilitation treatment, he’d begun attending AA meetings, where he’d shared parts of his story. He described a distant struggle with his sexual orientation, growing up in a devoutly Roman Catholic family, where he learned that his sexual attraction to men was result in for eternal damnation. Perhaps to overcome
My Husband’s Not Gay, a show on TLC, has caused an uproar. The negative attention is unfortunate because this could possess been a show that highlighted mixed-orientation couples and how these couples can actually make their relationships work.
Why do some people become so outspoken and judgmental about marriages with one straight and one gay spouse? There are several reasons. These marriages raise concerns about infidelity. They bring out people’s judgments about what marriage should or should not be. In particular, they bring out people’s verdicts about monogamy.
Finally, these relationships suggest to some people “reparative therapy,” the unethical and impossible claim that a person can be changed from gay to straight. The men in this television program aren’t claiming to be ex-gay nor that they can change their sexual orientation (at least not on the show). They announce they are attracted to men but choose not to live as a gay man and their straight wives accept this.
People seem to get up in arms when a man says he is not gay but rather simply attracted to men. In our culture, we identify ourselves via a sexual-attraction binary: gay or straight. This is severely limiting
Since my essay, “My Husband Is Having an Affair...With a Man,” was published, I have received many, many comments. Although some of the comments were supportive, many of them were challenging, such as this one:
Sadly, most married, closeted gay men are manipulative, narcissistic con artists who only think about themselves with only occasional feelings of guilt and remorse. Their decision to leave or stay in their marriages is never out of consideration for the wife. [The comments—mostly from women—have been edited slightly]. Her comment made me angry and defensive.
I really am sorry for your pain. I recognize that anything more I say risks suggesting that you’re not entitled to your pain. That is not my intent.
My father died in a farm accident when I was 3 years old, creating a cloud that cast a dark shadow over me for most of my early life. Three themes dominated my thoughts: 1. Being a human was dangerous. 2. If I survived, I would be the best father any kid ever had. 3. My father’s death fractured my sense of manliness. These things nourished my denial of my same-sex attractions.
By “denial,” I do not mean lying; lying is a alert choice. Denial is one of the psychologi