Why is a gay guy flirting with me
Do Gay Men and Straight Men Play the Same?
In a listicle for Out magazine titled “13 Types of Flirts Every Gay Guy Knows,” writer Zachary Zane claims that gay men don’t flirt like direct men. “Boy, are we a shamelessly flirty community,” he writes. “Gay men, though, don’t contain the same cultural dating and flirting scripts that linear men have to deal with, which allows us to flirt however we so choose.”
So far so good, except that the “13 types of flirts” Zane goes on to outline are both a jumbled list of types of gay men with whom one might flirt — like “the shady queen,” “the muscle hunk” and “the ‘straight’ locker room cruiser” — and flirting techniques that are by no means unique to gay men (e.g., touching, whispering and eye-fucking).
I don’t suspect Zane’s claim that gay men tease differently than unbent men, but his list leaves me barely enlightened about the differences. So, to dig a little deeper, I asked more than 30 gay, gender non-conforming and bisexual men and non-binary people about how they flirt and how their approaches differ from that of straight, cisgender men.
The most obvious and impactful difference is that straight, cisgender men are capable to flirt free of the
Sexuality and flirting
Being myself, I often receive into conversations (arguments...) with random people about various things related to homosexuality. I've noticed that many of these conversations follow the same pattern.
When I talk to straight guys, they usually say something along the lines of, "It's not that I possess a problem with gay people. I don't. It's just that gay guys creep me out, and I don't want them hitting on me." (Side note 1: They then go on to say that lesbian and bi girls are hot/appealing/etc.) (Side note 2: I think the reason they exclaim they don't own a problem with gay people is that they comprehend I'll eat their soul if they say they do.) (Side note 3: I've never gotten a satisfying response for why they find it so disturbing to be hit on by a gay guy. If someone could elucidate this, I would appreciate it...) However, this general opinion is something I haven't heard from anyone of any gender/sexuality combination other than direct guys. I've never had a queer woman girl express interest about being slap on by a straight guy, I've never heard a gay guy show concern about organism hit on by a strai
Why do gay guys keep hitting on me?
What's with the male lover man trying to fuck the straight man? I mean, I understand the fantasy element to a degree, but the persistence almost makes me wanna beat some ass. Not in a sexual fashion, of course.
— Tired of It
Dear Homo,
I dislike to break this to you, but gay guys don't hit on another guy unless they believe he's gay or bi. I'm thinking maybe your friends know something you don't.
Here's what happens when we gay guys meet a straight guy who turns us on: We try to become to know him and figure out if he's closeted or bi without coming on to him. We're not overt for obvious reasons: 1) We might get the incorrect kind of pounding; 2) We might ruin our chances if he's a closet case who wigs out; and 3) We set ourselves up for an extremely awkward or humiliating experience if we're wrong about his orientation.
So, we look for certain signals during a conversation — does he hold eye contact longer than usual? Does he have a girlfriend or wife? Does he deliver up women? Is he giving off a sexual vibe? Does he feel personally interested in what you're saying? Does he seem interested, period? If we perceive him to be straight, we don't g
Beware the flirtatious straight male – six types to look out for
When you are growing up a future gay, you comprehend very quickly that your relationships with straight men are never going to be anything other than complex.
Whether you’re trying to explain to your dad for the eightieth period that you’re not going to kick that football back at him no matter how many times it flies over your head, or enduring the weekly terror of “Backs against the wall, lads” in the showers after PE, it can be difficult to make yourself understood. So alike, but oceans apart.
Many a day I have spent a puzzling fifteen minutes in a kitchen full of vodka bottles, while a straight guy slinks around me like smoke from Marlene Dietrich’s fiftieth cigarette of the evening.
In less enlightened times, when I was much younger and even more socially awkward, I clearly remember almost dreading being introduced to straight men in case they mocked me or disliked me, preferring instead to make a beeline for their girlfriends, sisters or mothers. There’s also the added misery of emotionally crippling crushes on these men, the ultimate in the unobtainable, or not daring to grab someone’s eye in the gym changing
Like many men of my generation, I learned that any attraction to direct men was to be kept secret. We were lucky to be recognized (even sort of) by heterosexual guys and so we were careful to behave ourselves so as not to offend them. Keeping gestures of care contained, being careful about eye contact, and minimizing hugs (no kisses, please) was the rule. We have always known the danger of even normal displays of affection, such as alienation, rejection, creature shamed. And, hell, the possibility of being thrashed up by some closed-minded guy wasn’t out of the question, either. The lesson? Being connected to straight men has always been contingent on keeping everything in close inspect … well, until recently.
The once-rigid lines of masculinity have softened to allow for much greater variety in appearance and self-expression for all men. The differences between queer and straight men are much harder to discern these days, including in the ways that love is shown. It simply doesn’t matter so much who is gay and who isn’t (in most quarters), and hanging out with gay men when you are straight is no big deal.
At a recent gay wedding of two millennials, I was stumped by the gues